


The Other Half of Your Self

by Selenae



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Minor character imminent canonical death, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, steve's life is more violent and sad than I set out to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2488133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenae/pseuds/Selenae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are given the first words your soulmate will ever speak to you, in order that you will recognize him or her immediately.<br/>But what if you've already met your soulmate before you can read the words?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Other Half of Your Self

Steve is six years old when he first hears the word “soulmark.” 

He asks his mother about it later. Sarah Rogers smiles and taps Steve on the chest.  
“A soulmark is the words written on your heart. They are the first thing your soulmate will ever say to you. They’re there so that you will recognize her when you meet.”

“What’s a soulmate?”

“A soulmate is the other half of your self. Your future wife, probably. Someone you will love far beyond all others.”

Steve tugs his collar down, twisting his neck to try to see the writing even though he wouldn’t be able to read it.  
“What does it say?”

“It says, ‘I don’t need any help.’” 

“Oh.” Steve thinks about that for a moment. Of course his soulmate will be strong enough to take care of herself if she has to also take care of Steve. Maybe she’ll be a nurse like his Ma. Sarah Rogers is the most capable person he knows.

“Do you have a soulmark, Ma?” he asks.

She smiles nostalgically. “Of course. Everybody has one. Mine says ‘Good evening ma’am.’”

Steve’s brow furrows. “And you recognized Da just from that?”

She laughs. “Not just that. I recognized him because his soulmark says ‘Good evening, I am Sarah Elizabeth Bailey.’ You see, those of us with rather ordinary markings have to make sure to respond with something unique.”

Steve thinks about how many people must have some form of “hello” or “excuse me” written on their hearts. How many couples must miss each other, how many must never be quite certain that they were meant for each other. He forces his thoughts back to a cheerful topic.

“What about Bucky, what does his say?”

But Sarah turns serious at that question. “I haven’t seen Bucky’s soulmark. And don’t you go asking. A soulmark is the most personal thing about you, so it’s very rude to try to read someone else’s without permission.”

Steve takes that lesson to heart. He doesn’t mention soulmarks again until months later when Bucky wants to play hookey from school. Normally, Steve would go along, but right now they’re learning something very important. 

“Don’t you wanna be able to read?” he asks. “I want to read comic books, and understand signs in windows, and, and…” the words tumble out without thinking, “... and see what my soulmark says.”

Bucky goes from wheedling to confused. At first Steve thinks Bucky doesn’t know what a soulmark is, and Steve will get to be the one imparting grown-up knowledge to his friend. But Bucky finally replies, “I know what my soulmark says.”

“Yeah, my Ma told me what mine says, but I wanna read it for myself, you know? So that I can’t forget it or mix it up, so that I’ll recognize my soulmate the moment she says it.” 

Bucky kicks at a rock and doesn’t look at Steve. He says again, but less confidently, “I know what my mark says.”

They don’t skip school that day.

That summer, a bunch of boys are splashing around shirtless under the pier. Steve has to keep covered up because he gets sunburnt so easily. When the older boys see this they taunt him and try to pull his shirt off. Bucky is approaching to help, but before he can get there Steve spits out, “At least I ain’t waving my soulmark around for everyone to see.” The boy holding his shirt freezes, and Steve manages to jerk away, even though it makes him stumble and end up on his knees in the water.

The boys laugh at him, but they’re also distracted sneaking curious glances at each others’ chests while trying to casually position their arms over their own. Then Bucky is there, pulling Steve to his feet and glaring down the bullies. As they walk back up the beach together, Steve is careful not to look at Bucky’s soulmark. Then Bucky pulls on a shirt and they sit together in the shade.

Steve dreams of a great romance, himself swooping in to rescue a damsel who turns out to be pretty amazing herself. But he knows that’s just fantasy. In real life “I don’t need any help” is probably in response to “can I carry that for you?” or “do you need directions?” 

When Steve is thirteen, some of the girls at school start whispering together and giggling. Popular boys get dared to go up to a certain girl and speak certain words, which prompts a new round of giggling and blushing. Sometimes unpopular boys are dared the same. Steve always refuses. After a while, girls start getting the dares too, so boys must be sharing their words with friends as well. 

Steve never overcomes his sense of impropriety to talk about his soulmark, and Bucky never mentions his either.

It’s also at thirteen that Steve learns for the first time that a soulmate isn’t necessarily a spouse and a spouse isn’t necessarily a soulmate. A pair of middle-aged women move in across the street. One of them is a widow; the other never married. They are best friends and they are soulmates.

That’s the first time Steve wonders whether his best friend might be his soulmate. He can’t imagine overcoming his health issues to be able to support a family, doesn’t want to burden some girl with supporting him. If Bucky is it for him, well. That would be nothing to complain about.

It’s not until years later that Steve thinks to wonder whether the two women were a romantic pairing after all.

Steve sometimes thinks about Bucky in the ways that he’s supposed to be pretending not to think about girls. He stops fantasizing about rescuing a damsel in distress, and instead thinks on all the times Bucky has rescued him. 

Steve doesn’t see Bucky shirtless again until they are sixteen. It’s not under the circumstances he would have chosen. Steve picks a fight with a guy who’s been harassing some of the dames. The guy’s several years older and has thirty pounds on Steve, but he doesn’t look like he’s got any experience in a street fight. Steve figures the first time he draws blood the jerk will decide the fight’s not worth it. Unfortunately, the guy brings friends. As always, Bucky wades in to save Steve, but they’re still outnumbered four to two. Steve winds up with a concussion and a broken jaw. When Bucky goes down the men kick his ribcage several times to keep him down.

Steve staggers over to check on Bucky. His torso is bloody and bruised. The ribs are probably cracked, but at least they’re not broken through. His soulmark reads, “I think I do.” An ambulance arrives.

Steve’s concussed and later medicated brain imagines what question Bucky might ask his girl to get that response. Maybe a charming “do you want to dance?” Maybe a mundane “do you have a pen?“ Steve wonders whether the emphasis will be “I think I do” or “I think I do.”

They graduate from school. Steve gets a job as a clerk until he can save enough for art school. Bucky gets a job in a factory. Bucky flirts with girls and tries to get Steve to come on double dates, but Steve isn’t interested in fooling around with anyone before he meets his soulmate. Bucky rolls his eyes and usually ends up escorting both girls out to wherever they wanted to go.

When Steve is 22 years old, Sarah Rogers gets sick. He sits by her bedside as she gets weaker and weaker. One day, Bucky comes to visit her too. He tells her that if she’s half as stubborn as Steve, she’ll pull through this just fine.  
Sarah gazes at the two of them. “Do you boys remember the day you first met?” she asks.

Steve shakes his head, but Bucky speaks up. 

“I had just moved to the city. I was outside alone, and a bunch of bullies starting picking on me. A whole pack of them, all of ‘em older than me. They stole my lunch, and broke… some toy, I don’t remember what. I was too proud to shout for my father to help, but I wasn’t stupid enough to fight them. And then this punk dashes in and punches the boy holding my lunch pail. The kid was so surprised, he dropped it, and Steve made to bring it back to me. I told him I didn’t need any help, and then the bullies grabbed Steve from behind. He looks up and gulps, and says to me-”

“I think I do.”

Bucky looks over at Steve. “Yeah. That.”

Steve reaches out to touch Bucky’s chest just over his heart. Bucky’s hand comes up to hold Steve’s in place. 

“I didn’t remember that until just now,” Steve admits.

“Yeah, I figured.”

“And you just let me be an idiot for seventeen years?”

“Oh, there was nothing I could do about that.”

Steve shoves him. Bucky retaliates by pulling Steve against his side, pinning his arms too tight for Steve to throw another punch. Steve squawks at the manhandling but doesn’t resist.

“I’m glad-” Sarah starts, but she breaks into another coughing fit. Bucky immediately reaches out with his free hand to pass her a glass of water. When the coughing subsides, she tries again. 

“I’m glad you finally found each other. Realized you already had each other.” She fixes a stern look on Bucky. “You take care of my boy, James Barnes.”

He nods solemnly. “Always.”


End file.
